What It’s Like To Suffer From Both Anxiety and Depression

As you probably know, I have the misfortune of suffering from both a severe anxiety disorder and clinical depression.

Firstly, to understand what suffering from both feels like, you need to understand them separately to understand how they dramatically contrast each other.

Which really makes everything just that much worse.

With anxiety, and obviously this depends on the person and their specific anxiety disorder (so therefore I’m going to be rather general) you worry too much. Which is a huge understatement in itself as “worrying” doesn’t seem to give anxiety any justice. It’s more like this constant fear of everything and anything in your life that could go wrong, will go wrong.

Image result for anxiety
Image taken from Pinterest

With anxiety, you can’t just “calm down”. Telling someone with anxiety “not to worry” is rather pointless – if we could not worry, we’d really take that option. It’s literally not as easy as people make it seem.

It’s kind of like how you would feel if Jurassic Park were real and you were sitting in those stationary cars when the T-Rex makes its dramatic escape.

Image result for t-rex escapes jurassic park
Not going to mention the big error where there’s land and suddenly there’s a cliff … but this is the part where your brain goes, “Holy fuck this shit.”

It’s the feeling of: Oh, god, what is going to happen? What am I going to do? How can I cope? What will people think if I pee my pants from fear right now? What if x happens? What if everyone hates me and blames me for the T-Rex’s escape? I know I didn’t do that, but what if I never get to tell anyone the truth? And what if I do, and no one believes me? What if I’m destined to be a failure? Maybe this is god’s way of telling me I’m a failure, by setting a T-Rex on me. Oh, shit, I just remembered there is a T-Rex and I’m worrying about being a failure. Will people even notice if the T-Rex eats me? Will they even care? My hands are shaking so badly. Will the people in the car notice? Will they think less of me because I’m not handling this as well as they are? Oh, god, I just remembered that embarrassing thing I did/said eight years ago. Oh my god, I’m such a freak. And oh my god, there’s a T-Rex right in front of me.

Obviously, the T-Rex is a metaphor for all that anxiety bubbling to the surface and breaking through.

Basically, with anxiety, you care too much. You’re often over-emotional and too sensitive. You have a tendency to worry about anything and everything, no matter how ridiculous it seems. Quite simply, you care about everything way too much.

Depression, in many ways, is the exact opposite.

In 5 Ways Depression is Worse Than You Think, I outlined some unexpected side effects.

With depression (and again, I’m being general, as there are so many different types of depression, and like with anxiety, everyone deals with it differently), you often don’t care about anything.

You don’t see the point.

Why care, when everything is seemingly pointless and hopeless?

Image result for depression

It’s like a black hole. Depression sucks in all the negativity, all the badness, and forces you to focus on that. It alters your reality to make life seem worthless, and the back hole, so capable of drawing in every bad word, bad moment, bad action, bad event, seems to effortlessly repel anything even slightly positive or hopeful.

As you can already imagine, having both is torturous.

Imagine caring too much while simultaneously not caring at all. Do you know what it’s like to think Oh my god, I need to do x because of y, and then be thinking, What’s the point? It’s not like it matters anyway. And that thought process goes around and around again.

Imagine being oversensitive, meaning that anything and everything slightly negative is ingested into your black hole of darkness.

Image result for depression

Imagine the T-Rex is breaking through the fence, and you are simultaneously panicking with despair and fear (you’re the guy running to the toilet in this situation), as well as wondering what difference it would make if you were eaten (the guy in the toilet also fits this, as he is eaten. *Spoiler*, but really, if you haven’t seen Jurassic Park, shame on you). After all, you tell yourself, would anyone even notice? Perhaps it would be the best thing for everyone.

Image result for t-rex escapes jurassic park eats guy on toilet
This is you.

That’s what suffering from depression and anxiety is like.

It’s both caring and not caring whether or not the T-Rex eats you (I really feel as though I’ve pushed this metaphor further than it can go, but it sounded nice in my head).

Remember that before you judge someone, questioning their motives, their mental illnesses, and their invisible ones.

Originally published on The Melodramatic Confessions of Carla Louise.

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Author: carlalouise89

My name is Carla Robinson and I’m 26 years old. I love fashion, cooking, travelling and animals. I’m an English & History teacher, and have taught at three different schools in the past five years. If you’re interested in following me more closely, please check out my Instagram page: https://instagram.com/carlalouise01/ Or my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/melodramaticconfessionsofcarlalouise/

16 thoughts on “What It’s Like To Suffer From Both Anxiety and Depression”

  1. Wow I connected to so much is this post. This is such an excellent description of how it feels and different anxiety and depression are. I have both as well and like you said, it is always this conflict about caring and not caring. The conflict itself adds to the stress of the whole thing. Thanks for sharing and so well written. Good job! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a brilliant post that sure helps to understand the differences between both illnesses and the difficulty of dealing with them. That T-Rex killed me 🙂 Often, we get lost with complicated explanations that don’t really do their job and leave the person with only a vague idea of what life is like for someone with anxiety/depression or both, but here you managed to bring it down to the essential and make it very clear.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. depression completely ruined my teen years. I failed school because, as you say, you can’t see the point and I couldn’t see I had a future, so I always thought the school work had no point to it whatsoever. I’ve never heard of this metaphor for it, I always said it was like being hit over the head with a shovel daily.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so sorry to hear that. That must have been terrible. Are you better now? (I ask that for want of a better question. I know it’s not the right one to ask, but even I don’t know yet have to phrase it! I feel like it’s something you might not truly get over.) Or do you still go through episodes?

      Liked by 1 person

          1. Yes. It isn’t like you can get drunk or eat junk food or hate yourself. You have to be kind to your mind, body and soul 24/7 because depression will happily jump in and agree!

            Liked by 2 people

          2. I know exactly what you mean. I’m at the best I’ve been in ages – and I mean years (and it’s only been this way for a few weeks) – but I can just feel it in the background. It’s like white noise. Like, I know everything is good. But I also kind of realise that everything could change. And I still think about the bad things, too, like have bad thoughts on occasion, you know?

            I imagine it’s somewhat similar for you. But every now and then someone says they’re “cured”, and I wonder how much truth there is to that statement. I’m glad you’re doing as well as can be, though x

            Liked by 1 person

    2. I had nearly the exact same school experience & the exact same feelings. At the time, my metaphor was that it was like running in sand. Constantly. :-/

      I’m really sorry that you went through what you did. Unfortunately, as I believe Carla figured out, there’s really nothing I can say. I typed several responses &, no matter what, it came out wrong.

      But, if you ever need a random person to talk to, I volunteer as tribute (I haven’t seen those movies, nor read the books, but it sounds cool!).

      Liked by 2 people

        1. During an incredibly rough time in one of my best friend’s lives, I said something to her that sticks with me (I only hope it sticks with her as strongly as it does with me!) – Our dearest friends & loved ones will often say the wrong thing to us when we’re in a low place. That’s because there really is no “right thing” to say; nothing will make it better like we wish it would.

          Still… it sounds like you’re incredibly resilient & strong. & you have people (even randos on the web) who are here for you.

          Liked by 2 people

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