Suicide Is Selfish

“Suicide is selfish.”

A phrase – no longer than three words – that I’ve heard countless times. Too many times to count, really.

It’s used carelessly, by those who either don’t know better, or perhaps may be angry because they’ve lost a loved one and need someone, or something, to blame.

“Suicide is selfish.”

Three words I’ve uttered myself, albeit a very long time ago.

Before I knew better.

Before I understood what depression really meant, and just how far you could fall down a rabbit hole, filled with absolute certainty that nothing would be right again and you’d live in constant fear the Queen of Hearts would one day take yours.

Before I knew that depression could consume you, entirely, with the force of a black hole, to the point you actually hope the Queen of Hearts takes your heart.

Or your head.

It doesn’t matter what she takes, not really, because you’re that far gone.

“Suicide is selfish.”

The three words that so many people have a tendency to offer if you ever share the cold, harsh reality with: that you no longer have any desire to live.

And, more importantly, you’ve been in Wonderland for so long now you feel crazier than the Mad Hatter, but you also have no idea how to live.

What those people don’t understand is that, when the darkness takes you like that, suicide does not feel selfish.

It feels the opposite.

In my darkest days, the days where I’ve either tried or seriously contemplated trying, I’ve genuinely thought that the world  would be a far better place without me.

I’ve genuinely believed that, even if some people were upset by my choice and untimely demise, they’d quickly realise that I’d made the right decision.

That the decision I’d made was best for everyone.

“Suicide is selfish.”

Is it though?

Whenever I’ve contemplated actually taking my life – or tried – I’ve thought about making sure everything is organised and in place.

That no one has to deal with any messes or nasty surprises.

Suicide, I’ve learnt, may be a lot of things, but it is not selfish.

Not once have I thought truly and entirely about myself. Sure, I’m no liar – I dream of being Aurora and sleeping for a hundred years, thinking of nothing and no one. I dream of waking to true love’s kiss, and the evil curse, the spread of darkness, is finally broken and I’m finally free.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think of what it’d be like to be free of the never-ending pain. (Just so it’s clear, in case anyone starts worrying, this is actually the best I’ve felt in years. I feel as though I’ve woken from some trance and I’m finally out of the woods – at least for now.)

However, I mostly think about how everyone else would benefit from being free of me and my burden.

I think about the relief they’ll eventually feel, that I’m the problem and by removing me from the equation, the solution is solved.

I think about how much happier everyone would be.

I genuinely assume most people wouldn’t miss me.

Suicide is not selfish.

It’s not.

Most people who choose suicide understand their decision.

They understand what dying means.

They understand that dying means, if you’re an atheist, that that’s it. You’re dead.

There is nothing.

Depending on your religious or spiritual beliefs, you may believe that taking your life is the ultimate sin and that, in whatever afterlife you believe in, you’ll be punished – but still believe the sacrifice is worth it.

Regardless, who makes that decision lightly?

Who decides to end their life for selfish reasons?

No one.

People choose suicide when they feel they have no other choice.

People choose it because they truly believe it’s the best thing.

So please, stop saying suicide is selfish.

Shaming someone who feels the pain of the entire world doesn’t work: it just makes them feel like more of a failure.

And that’s seriously not want someone contemplating suicide needs.

Originally published on The Melodramatic Confessions of Carla Louise.

Want to follow me more closely?

For Facebook click here

For Twitter click here

For Instagram click here

Advertisements

Author: carlalouise89

My name is Carla Robinson and I’m 26 years old. I love fashion, cooking, travelling and animals. I’m an English & History teacher, and have taught at three different schools in the past five years. If you’re interested in following me more closely, please check out my Instagram page: https://instagram.com/carlalouise01/ Or my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/melodramaticconfessionsofcarlalouise/

5 thoughts on “Suicide Is Selfish”

  1. This is a really good and touching post, Carla. I think a lot of people think of suicide as selfish because they think of how much they love that individual and how they don’t want to lose them. However, thinking that someone is being selfish by committing suicide is actually quite selfish in itself – it’s assuming that everything is about you and that just because you love someone, that they can’t be going through a difficult time.

    I’ve never really felt so depressed that I wanted to hurt myself, but I can imagine how difficult it must be for someone and how, like you said, they must feel as if that’s the only choice. I find that sad and think that instead of people finding it ‘selfish’, they should feel bad that someone would contemplate such a horrible thing.

    I know you know this, but you’re a wonderful person, Carla! You make the world a brighter place and I’m so happy that I ‘met’ you. You brighten up my day and I hope you know that! You’re a great friend, never doubt that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, B! And I agree. It is selfish to think that they left because of you.
      Thank you so much B! I really appreciate it! And I hope you know I feel the same xx

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s